THE WANT LIST

THE WANT LIST

                Those of us that grew up under legalism often have a very hard time shaking off feelings of condemnation and separation from God, even when we have put away sin long ago. Even when we know that our lives are under the blood of Jesus. There remains this sort of nagging sense of unfinished business because we were taught to look at our flesh rather than looking to Jesus.

                So I am going to share with you a recent two way conversation that I had with the Lord. It is deeply personal and one that I don’t really want to share, but from the beginning of my writing I have always promised to share my journey with the hopes that what I learn will bless someone else.

                Some people reading my articles may think that I am a holy saint, just one step from heaven. But the truth is that just like Elijah; our victories are often followed with doubts and fears as we run to seek shelter in the Lord.

                The following prayer includes both what I said to the Lord and what HE spoke into my spirit in return:

RICK:  Lord I want to walk and talk with you like Enoch did. I want to be your friend. I want to bless your heart with my prayers. I want to know you as my Father even as Jesus knew you. I want to do your will and not my own. I want to bring glory to your name both now and in your coming kingdom. There is nothing I desire more than to be close to you… to see you face to face… to linger in your presence… to be with you.

                Teach me how to dwell in your presence. Teach me how to live before you with no veils. Your blood has covered my sins and you have cleansed my temple. You have filled me with your Spirit and declared me righteous before the father. I know that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony. I know that it is all done by you and none of it by the works of my flesh.  Salvation has been your idea from the beginning. I am so thankful… eternally thankful for what you have done.

                And yet, as long as we are in these sinful bodies we feel apart from you in some way. Even as you dwell in my very spirit I feel this separation… this veil of flesh.

                The older I get the more I loathe the flesh. I hate the pride and rebellion that once drove me. I hate the sin, but even more I hate the underlying reasons for my sin and I long to shake it off like a filthy garment … to feel totally clean and holy before you. I know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord and so I long for that time of separation from my earthly flesh … to dwell with you forever.

JESUS:  Draw near to me my son and I will draw near to you. I know the veils that I have removed from your life and I know those that remain. I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have reached with longing arms from within the veil, I have drawn close to you and yet I find in you a heart troubled with many things. You have not yet learned to fully trust me with your whole heart. You carry guilt over things that I have already covered with My blood. You confess them over and over again until they become an obstacle between us. You must allow my forgiveness to become a living reality… more real to you than your past sins. You come before the veil dragging heavy weights from which I have already cut you. Trust in my forgiveness my son. Put your full faith in my blood and in my grace.

                One cannot stand within the veil as long as there is a chain around the ankle dragging old and forgiven sins behind you. The weight of it pulls you back. You feel unworthy. CUT THOSE CHAINS I TELL YOU! THEY ARE HOOKED TO SINS THAT I HAVE ALREADY DEALT WITH AT THE CROSS!  

                I see the desires of your heart my child and that is why I reminded you of your first songs… the ones you wrote when you first came to me. (This refers to the dream I had that resulted in this prayer. In this dream I was in the outer court longing to join the worshippers in the inner court. I cried out to the Lord and He drew near and reminded me of my worship and the songs I had written shortly after I was born again and He had delivered me. I reminded the Lord of how immature I was in those days.)

RICK:  But I was so immature then Lord. I still had so much to overcome!

JESUS:  Yes, but my deliverance of you was fresh in your mind. My power over sin and Satan was more real to you than your past. You wrote those songs with the faith of a child. I loved those early songs that poured forth from heart.

RICK:  But that was my charismatic era Lord… full of emotion and imagination. I was shaking off legalism and embracing freedom, excited and learning how to live the Spirit filled life… and yet stumbling and falling like a dumb kid.

JESUS:  Did you ever stop to think that it was I who was patiently drawing you beyond your immaturity? Did I not show you this in My Word? Did I not show you the sins of my chosen people? Did I not offer their lives as an example for you upon whom the ends of the age have come?                                

                Now stand up and walk like a man. Put away your childish deeds. Walk away from what once was so you can stand once again in the innocence of your first love… when My power to deliver was bigger than your sins… when Satan fled from you in unbridled terror.

                Walk in the freshness of your new birth once again. Thank me for your maturity and realize that I have carried you all along. Many things are coming upon this world, it’s true, but you are not of this world. Wait among the wise virgins. Behold I have set before you an open door that no one can shut. Remain always in My presence and I will take care of your journey. I will guide your steps. I will cause you and Bonnie to live by divine appointment.

                You must guard her and shepherd her. If Adam and Eve had stayed together, the world would not have fallen. Tend to her as to your own flesh. Tend to her spirit as a well-maintained fire. Walk together in the covenant that I have given you and I will save your children.

                This concludes the two way conversation that I had with the Lord. I sense that we are very close to the end and as such, my want list has nothing to do with things and everything to do with our intimate connection with the Lord. I no longer pray about stuff. God takes care of that automatically because He knows our needs even before we ask.

                My hunger has turned to the things of the Spirit. I want to know and be known. I want to hear the words “Well done” and with those desires come a flood of past sins and wasted time. I am overwhelmed by my unworthiness and so I do the only thing that any of us can do. I cast myself at His feet and say, “Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.” Any progress that I have made on the pathway to maturity is but rubbish compared to Christ.

                “But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord; for whom I have suffered the loss of all things,  and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is  through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Phil. 3:7-11

                Hear what the Spirit says to the churches… “Don’t lose your first love. Don’t lose your passion, that fire that once burned so bright. You are My soldiers caught behind enemy lines. Don’t lose your first love and don’t give up the fight.